I've tried so many times to write this, but somehow it never comes out quite the way I want it to. How do you begin to find the words, the sentences, the phases, to express the absence from your life of the one person who ever truly accepted and loved you unconditionally? How do you ever move on from that? I guess what I really want is to feel something. Anything other then the infinite numbness and emptiness that fills my life. I've tried to move on. I've tried to find a purpose, something to focus on and guide me forward. I try to set goals, try to express my thoughts through writing and artwork, try to loose myself in music to drown out the constant voice in my head, the constant presence of loneliness that never disappears. And I wonder what the point of all this is. What the point is of going to school, getting a career, making a living, starting a family, when it will always be there in the back of my head, the ever present knowledge that I'm never going to see you again. That you'll never be there to tell me everything will be okay and help me make sense of the chaos. That you won't be there to stay up late and tell me stories and chase away the monsters that live in my mind and make it impossible to close my eyes, impossible to sleep at night. Because I know that if I dare to sleep, dare to dream for one second, I'll see you, and then I'll wake up and you'll slip away again, back into the fading vault of childhood memories. I guess what I really want to say is, I miss you.